What If My Parents Don’t Want to Downsize

If your parents don't want to downsize, pushing harder probably isn't going to make them want to move.

There may be a lot more behind that "no" than you realize.

When you bring up downsizing or moving to a smaller home, your parents may hear something very different than what you are saying.

You may be saying, "I want you to be safe and have less to take care of."

They may be hearing, "This is my last move before I die."

That's tough.

Their resistance may have nothing to do with being stubborn. They may feel that as long as they are living in the same house, everything is still the same. They're independent. They're doing fine. Life hasn't really changed.

Or there may be something else they haven't told you.

Maybe financially it doesn't make sense for them to move. Maybe they are worried they can't afford the kind of home they would want. They may be embarrassed to tell their children that money is part of the decision.

There are so many reasons someone may not want to downsize, and you won't know which one it is unless you ask.

So instead of saying, "Mom and Dad, you really need to move," try asking questions.

"What's your biggest fear about downsizing?"

And then listen to the answer.

Here's another question I really like:

"If you had all the money in the world and location wasn't a factor, where would you move and what kind of home would you want?"

Now you aren't asking them to sell their house. You're asking them to imagine.

You might learn that Dad can't imagine living somewhere without a garage and a place for his tools. Mom may want enough room for the whole family to still come for Thanksgiving. Maybe they want a ranch home with a small yard. Or maybe they would love to live closer to their grandchildren.

You may discover that they actually would like to move. They just haven't been able to picture how to make it happen.

And maybe there is another conversation worth having.

You might say, "I may be exactly like you when I get to your age. I hope that if my kids see something I'm not seeing, I'll at least listen to them."

Because there are practical things to think about too.

What happens if the stairs become difficult?

What happens if they fall while doing yard work?

What if something happens while they are home alone and no one realizes it for a day or two?

Those aren't reasons to frighten your parents into moving. They are reasons to have an honest conversation about whether the home that has served them so well for all these years is still the best home for the way they live today.

And after all of the questions and all of the conversation, they still may say:

"I'm not ready."

Unless there is an immediate safety issue, you may have to respect that.

But now you've started the conversation.

And sometimes that's the most important first step.

Every family's downsizing journey looks a little different, and sometimes the hardest part is simply knowing where to begin. In our first blog, How Do I Help My Parents Downsize Their Home?, we shared some thoughtful ways to start that conversation.