What Should My Parents Keep When They Downsize?

Start with what they want to keep, not what you think they should get rid of.

When your parents have lived in their home for 30 or 40 years, they have probably accumulated a lot of things. Furniture, dishes, photographs, holiday decorations, books, tools, and boxes that haven't been opened in years.

If you're wondering where to begin, I shared some suggestions in my previous blog, How Do We Start Going Through 30 or 40 Years of Stuff?  Now, let's talk about how to help your parents decide what they really want to keep.

And you may be looking around thinking, What in the world are we going to do with all of this?

But remember, it's their stuff. And there may be memories attached to things that don't mean anything to you.

That old dining room table may be where your family celebrated every Thanksgiving. The dishes in the cabinet may have belonged to your grandmother. And that old chair Dad refuses to part with? There may be a story behind it you've never heard.

So instead of walking through the house asking, "Do you really need this?" try a different approach.

Ask them what they absolutely want to take with them.

If they are moving into a smaller home, start by looking at the space they will have.

Will their bedroom furniture fit? Do they really need two living room sets? Is there room for the dining room table? What about Dad's tools or Mom's sewing machine?

You might be surprised by what they choose.

Here are a few questions I would suggest asking:

1. What are the things you use everyday that you wouldn't want to live without?

2. What belongings have special meaning to you?

3. What would you want your next home to feel like?

4. Are there things you would like your children or grandchildren to have?

5. If you could only take your favorite pieces of furniture, which ones would they be?

That beautiful china cabinet or collection of dishes may mean the world to you, but your children may not have the room or the same attachment to those items.

Have that conversation before making plans for where everything will go.

I also think it's important not to rush through the sentimental things.

Going through photographs, letters, and keepsakes can bring back wonderful memories. But sometimes they bring back sad ones too.

I've experienced that myself while going through things I've saved over the years. Some brought back memories I enjoyed, while others reminded me of times I didn't necessarily want to revisit.

And I realized something.

I can keep the memory without keeping the item.

Sometimes taking a photograph of something is enough. Sometimes sharing the story with your children is more meaningful than keeping the actual object.

And sometimes you simply want to keep it. That's okay too.

Downsizing doesn't mean getting rid of everything you love.

It means choosing what you want to surround yourself with in your next home.

My suggestion? Don't try to do the whole house in a weekend.

Start with one room, one closet, or even one drawer. Make decisions a little at a time.

And remember, your parents should have the final say whenever they are able to make those decisions.

The goal isn't to see how much you can get rid of. The goal is to help your parents create a home filled with the things they truly want around them.

Next, we'll talk about the question that inevitably comes up: What do we do with everything Mom and Dad decide not to take?